Posted: 12:15 p.m. Monday, April 29, 2013
9:00 AM Depart DFW Airport. Packing Necessities: 7 Moleskine Notebooks, 12 Ball Point Pens, 3 32GB Memory Sticks for Nikkon D5200, Prismacolor Pencils, Sketch Pad, Backup battery for laptop, Immodium, 4G HotSpot for the Twitters.
12:00 AM - Clear customs, meet up with Mark VanStone.
12:15 - 3:00 - Drive from Cancun to Chichan Itza. Sharpen colored pencils while waxing Ancient Mayan History with Dr. VanStone. Inquire about Dr. VanStone's alleged love of Mayan dick jokes.
3:15 - Perform archaeological sketching at the Mayan ruins of Tulum. The pair of QBs will put their arms and ability to read the terrain to good use by creating portfolios of the ruins of the ancient merchant port. Particular to their interests are the main structures, walkways, and natural vegetation.
4:00 - Who the fuck invited Tsoukalos? Jesus.
4:15 - Johnny and AJ tell Tsoukalos to go long, throw him bombs. He's surprisingly athletic, doesn't fall down ruins.
5:00 - Drive to coastline, check in to hotel. Have dinner with preeminent Geologists to prepare for tomorrow's dive.
6:00 - Facetime with supermodel girlfriends. Tweet sick pencil drawings to all the h8terz. #VanStoned TROLOLOL
8:00 - Hydrate, sleep. Gotta pop up early to survey.
6:00 - Wake up. Get a good hour of practice in before going out for geologic survey. Johnny and AJ wrap up practice by making scale sand-Versailles. They really enjoy the baroque.
9:30 - Snorkeling. AJ and Johnny will take advantage of the crystal clear and shallow waters of the Caribbean to obtain seabed samples in their ongoing quest to pinpoint the exact end of the Cretaceous period using advanced Carbon sandstone dating methods.
1:00 - Senor Frogs for the wet t-shirt contest. Johnny and AJ hand out "You're Beautiful on the Inside" pamphlets to the contestants, stop them from making bad decisions.
3:00 - Pick up Tebow at local cantina. He is playing roulette with 15 Zetas and 75% finished with a 5th of Tequilla. His t-shirt reads "FBI" but it's not about the federal agency.
3:15 - Put Tebow on bus to airport.
4:15 - Parasailing. Only to get an aerial view of the coastline they just surveyed from the ocean. Even at 500' in the air, the pencil sketching is amazing.
7:00 - Healthy dinner followed by reading of "On the Origin of Species." AJ and Johnny debate the merits of evolutionary theory until they both fall asleep. Early AM on the kayaks tomorrow.
4:00 AM - 8:00 AM Sea kayaking. The pair will rise before dawn to paddle from Cancun to Playa del Carmen, conducting a perfunctory coastline erosion survey along the way using their thermal imaging equipment to carefully track the impact of the tides.
8:00 - 11:30 AM Combine tide research with prior day's geologic survey. Note that the impact of the tides on shoreline seems to be increasing at an alarming rate. Phone POTUS and Cabinet, inform them on new climate change theories.
12:00 Board plane for USA. Both QBs are tired, but this trip was worth it. Tweet at h8terz one more time. #yoLOL