Seven inches and 23 pounds. That's the difference between the average American woman (5'4", 140 pounds) and the average American model (5'11", 117 pounds).

In a society where there's such a dramatic contrast between the bodies you see on TV, on billboards and in magazines, and the body you see in the mirror, it's not surprising that 80 percent of women say they're unhappy with their appearance.

Some level of discontent with your body is normal, says J. Kevin Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of Exacting Beauty: Theory, Assessment, and Treatment of Body Image Disturbance (American Psychological Association, 1999). However, an overall negative body image can lead to a distorted, unhealthy relationship with yourself and the world around you.

"If you begin to think things like, 'If I'm not thin, I'm not anything,' weight concerns are clearly out of proportion," says Eric Speare, M.D., medical director of behavioral health and eating disorder programs at South Coast Medical Center in Laguna Beach, Calif.

Internalizing an Ugly Message

Negative input from peers, parents and the media can lead to body dissatisfaction, according to research by Thompson, professor of psychology at the University of South Florida, in Tampa. That input can also promote a distorted perception of the body, by making you more likely to compare yourself to others based on appearance and causing you to internalize the "thin ideal."

People have a penchant for "upward comparison," comparing themselves to people who are better looking or thinner. This leads to dissatisfaction, because "there's always someone who looks better," Thompson says. Danielle, who prefers to be identified only by her first name, learned this as a child. "I have had a negative body image for as long as I can remember," she says. "I was always bigger than the other girls in my class and felt so badly about myself, like the fact that I weighed more than they did made me a worse person than they were."

A negative body image can pervade every aspect of your life-eroding your confidence to pursue friendships, opportunities at work or intimacy in marriage. You may wrongly blame your perceived physical flaws for your unhappiness.

"You think, 'If I could only fix my body, everything would be better,'" says Eileen Adams, a body image specialist at Remuda Ranch, an eating disorders treatment center in Wickenburg, Ariz.

The distress can be so intense and debilitating that you crave a quick fix, she says. Instead of taking a balanced approach to nourishing your body, you may turn to extremes, such as excessively restricting calories, following fad diets, skipping meals or taking diet pills.

But feeling bad about your body and going to drastic lengths to try to control your weight aren't the roads to beauty. Instead, they produce a host of unattractive effects outside and in, harming both your body and your mind.

The Truth About Excessive Dieting

When you're unhappy with your body, you may think eating less will make you happier and healthier. But diets rarely work: 95 percent of dieters regain their lost weight—and then some—within five years.

"Most people do not understand that dieting is the worst way to lose weight," says psychotherapist Abigail Natenshon, M.A., LCSW. "When you diet, you're teaching your body not to trust that food will come in on a regular basis."

Restricting calories slows down your natural metabolism. And when you skip meals and consume all your calories at once, your body will attempt to hold onto those calories as best it can and store the food as fat, Speare notes.

It's simple: Your body needs food for fuel. When you don't eat enough, your body is starved for the basic elements it needs to function well. "Consistent, excessive calorie restriction leads to the depletion of essential nutrients and minerals, including protein, potassium, magnesium and calcium," Speare says.

These deficiencies can lead to a host of unattractive side effects, such as muscle weakness and cramps, thinning hair and loss of coordination. Dieters may also experience an irregular heartbeat, fainting or dehydration. Instead of getting healthier, you're at risk for damage and disease, including a suppressed immune system, anemia, hypothyroidism, heart damage and osteoporosis.

Quick Fixes Can Lead to Trouble

The so-called "normal" restrictions of dieting also put people at risk for developing more serious eating disorders. About 35 percent of normal dieters progress to pathological dieting, and 20 to 25 percent of those end up with some form of eating disorder, such as anorexia or bulimia, reports the National Eating Disorders Association.

For Danielle, breaking off a long-term relationship was the trigger that turned her already-disordered eating into a full-blown eating disorder. "I was smoking two packs of cigarettes a day, drinking liters and liters of Diet Pepsi, and surviving on about 500 calories a day," she says. "Every new bone that showed through was a success for me."

Dangerous dieting can harm the mind as well as the body. When you restrict calories, both your energy and your brainpower take a hit. Studies show that people on such diets have slower reaction times and a decreased ability to concentrate.

While a short-term sense of control and accomplishment can produce a "diet high," numerous studies link chronic dieting with feelings of depression, low self-esteem and increased stress. "Dieting is not a comfortable lifestyle that can be sustained," says Abby Aronowitz, Ph.D., author of Your Final Diet (Single Star Press, 2003). "The problem begins when extreme measures can no longer be sustained." All of the terrible feelings that preceded the drastic measures can return with a vengeance and plunge you into depression."

Diet Is a Four-Letter Word

"Diet is a four-letter word," Aronowitz says. "We have to get away from the whole concept. We need a plan that works for life."

The only truly successful way to manage weight is to initiate "a lifelong change in healthy eating and appropriate exercise," Speare says, adding that for some people, "psychotherapy may help them understand and better manage feelings and behavior to improve interpersonal relationships and inner experience."

"Diets make us dumb," adds Dorie McCubbrey, M.S.Ed., Ph.D., author of How Much Does Your Soul Weigh? (HarperResource, 2002). Instead, she explains, we need to see ourselves as a whole person-body, mind and soul.

Instead of defining yourself primarily in terms of appearance, think about what matters to you at a deeper level, what you want to accomplish-your "deeper hunger," as McCubbrey calls it. "When you know your deeper hunger and honor it, your body becomes a vehicle to fulfill the purpose of your soul. Then your weight will regulate itself," she says.

After years of struggling with body image, overeating and anorexia, Danielle has found some healing through counseling, a supportive husband and motherhood. "I still struggle with body image, but I no longer let that rule my life," she says. "My husband accepts me for who I am. I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful son."

When you know who you are and what matters to you, you're beautiful from the inside out.

Quick Facts

Changing your attitude toward your body won't just benefit you. You'll be setting a great example for your children as well.

"Parents need to give kids a sense that there is meaning in life beyond one's own body and appearance," says Abigail Natenshon, M.A., LCSW, author of When Your Child Has an Eating Disorder (Jossey-Bass, 1999).

By demonstrating a healthier perspective, you can help your child steer clear of some frightening statistics:

* 81 percent of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat.

* 51 percent of 9- and 10-year-old girls feel better about themselves if they are on a diet.

* 46 percent of 9- to 11-year-olds are "sometimes" or "very often" on diets, as are 82 percent of their families. (Source: nationaleatingdisorders.org)

Content Provided by Parrish Medical Center and Vim and Vigor, www.parrishmed.com. For tips on helping kids build a better body image, see Natenshon's Web sites empoweredparents.com and empoweredkidz.com.