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TSA Instagram post: Cool it, Aragorn, you don't need your blade on the plane

By Dave Thomas, Austin American-Statesman
By Dave Thomas, Austin American-Statesman

The Transportation Security Administration is not known for its sense of humor. “I was just joking” is probably the last words heard of many travelers before they are dragged into one of those private rooms at the airport.

But it turns out the TSA makes an exception for its Instagram account (did you know the TSA has an Instagram account?). When a traveler at San Antonio International Airport tried to bring a highly questionable item in his carry-on baggage, the TSA had some fun with it.

Yes, you can carry your sword in Texas — it's still legal, believe it or not — but you can't fly the friendly skies with it. In the post, TSA joked "We expected this would happen once they started offering direct flights from San Antonio to Gondor."

RELATED: Open carry for swords is a fortnight away — shop local and arm thyself

Carrying on the “Lord of the Rings” reference, TSA continued: “Whether you’re a Ranger of the North, or a United States Marine, we know you need to travel with your sword. It’s fine, just place it in your checked baggage.”

A traveler trying to take his sword on a plane (where it would be somewhat effective against hypothetical terrorists, but not so good for snakes and such) probably doesn’t happen often. The TSA couldn’t resist a final joke for King Arthur / Monty Python enthusiasts:

“Oh, on a slightly unrelated note, a farcical aquatic ceremony does not entitle you to carry your sword on the plane. Just in case you were wondering…”

Sadly, there's no word on the fate of the traveler or his sword.

This isn’t the only time whoever mans the TSA Instagram account had a little fun. Take a look at some of the other tongue-in-cheek posts.

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“Grrrr! I’m mad! My owner packed me in his carry-on bag and had to leave me with TSA. Now I’m stuck in a dark box with a bunch of other knives. I’m feeling pretty edgy, man. These multi-tools think they’re so much better than me. And don’t even get me started on the cheese knives! You know, because they cut cheese…” … Don’t let your knife down. Leave it at home or pack it in your checked bags. All knives, no matter their size, are not allowed into the cabin of the plane. A few years ago, we attempted to allow small knives in carry-on bags, but for reasons out of our control, it never came to fruition. This knife was discovered in a carry-on bag at Rochester (ROC). … Did you know you have options if you accidentally bring a small knife through the checkpoint? If the options aren’t offered by the officer, please ask. You can leave it with somebody you know that isn’t flying, you can take it out to your car, you can go to a postal kiosk and mail it to yourself, or you can go back to the ticket counter and see about having the knife checked with luggage.  If none of these options work for you, the knife will have to be surrendered. Our officers are not allowed under any circumstances to keep any of the prohibited items surrendered at our checkpoints. It’s a zero tolerance offence and a quick way out of a job.

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This bag of marijuana was discovered inside of a microwave oven that was being transported via checked baggage at Anchorage (ANC). We’re not looking for drugs, but when discovered, our officers must notify the police. ... The toast setting is located between the baked potato and pizza buttons. ... Under Federal law and many State laws, it’s a crime to possess or transport any detectable amount of marijuana.  TSA does not have any regulations that address the possession or transportation of marijuana and cannabis infused products, such as CBD oil.  However, our officers are required to notify law enforcement if they discover marijuana, or other items that are illegal under State and Federal laws while screening you and your accessible property. ... Having a State-issued cannabis card or other documentation indicating that the marijuana is for medical purposes does not exempt you from TSA’s requirement to notify law enforcement.  It is up to the responding officer, not TSA, to determine if possession of the marijuana is authorized under State law, or whether to make an arrest or confiscate the item if it is illegal.

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There was a rare sighting last week of an inflatable pink flamingo at the Dallas Fort Worth International Airport (DFW). It’s a delicate situation when a flamingo leaves its natural habitat in the suburbs. They’re out of their element in the airport environment and as seen in this video, our officers must screen them with the utmost care or they’ll startle and burst in a moment’s notice. … This particular flamingo was not traveling. It was on its way to work at a display in one of the concourses. If you are by chance traveling with an inflatable flamingo (or any other type of inflatable item) for spring break, let us help you get a leg up with this bit of advice. It’s best to deflate your floatie prior to going through screening. … Thanks to @dfwairport for capturing this rare event and allowing us to share.

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These can fly! Well… they can fly on the plane as a carry-on item, but they can’t actually fly anymore. Those days have clearly passed for this swarm. They’ve been pinned down for quite a while on a project. I’m guessing your husband made you ask because he didn’t want to be a pest and bug us, right? … This is a screenshot of a tweet sent to the AskTSA account on Twitter. … Have you ever wondered whether or not you can pack a certain item? If you're a regular follower of this account, I'm sure you can think of many situations where it would have behooved somebody to send us a picture first. Well, fret no more! Now you can do just that… … Simply snap a picture and tweet it to AskTSA (twitter.com/asktsa), or send it via Facebook Messenger (facebook.com/asktsa) and our team will get back to you promptly with an answer. … And that's not all. Contact us about any TSA related issue or question you might have. We can even help you if you don’t see TSA Pre✓® on your boarding pass. … We look forward to answering your questions, 9am-7pm daily. #AskTSA #TSATravelTips

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Your child’s backpack and all of its flair is good to go! But we need to talk about it... While your child is well over the minimum of 15 pieces of flair, Brian has 37 (and a terrific smile). Your child has 33. But, some people choose to wear more and we encourage that, okay? Flair is all about fun, unless we’re talking about signal flares. Those are prohibited in both carry-on and checked bags. … This is a screenshot of a tweet sent to the AskTSA account on Twitter. … Have you ever wondered whether or not you can pack a certain item? If you're a regular follower of this account, I'm sure you can think of many situations where it would have behooved somebody to send us a picture first. Well, fret no more! Now you can do just that… … Simply snap a picture and tweet it to AskTSA (twitter.com/asktsa), or send it via Facebook Messenger (facebook.com/asktsa) and our team will get back to you promptly with an answer. … And that's not all. Contact us about any TSA related issue or question you might have. We can even help you if you don’t see TSA Pre✓® on your boarding pass. … We look forward to answering your questions, 8am-10pm ET weekdays; 9am-7pm weekends/holidays. #AskTSA #TSATravelTips

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This may be the closest thing to the Glaive that our officers have ever discovered. In this case, it was discovered in a carry-on bag by an officer in Newark, not pulled from the magma by a prince in a mountain cave on the planet #Krull. I know it’s a stretch. It’s not as big, and it’s missing a couple of blades. Oh, and we’re pretty sure it’s not magical. ... It’s best to put items such as these in your checked bags to avoid any holdups at the checkpoint. … Did you know that you have options when you bring a prohibited item through the checkpoint? As long as the item isn’t illegal (requiring a call to the police), our officers will give you some options so you can keep your item. They’ll allow you to exit the checkpoint and hand the item off to a friend or loved one, take it to your car, mail it to yourself, or have the airlines check it for you. If none of these options work, you’ll have to surrender the item to TSA. Contrary to popular belief, our officers are not able to keep any of the surrendered items. It’s a zero tolerance fireable offense. — If permitted to leave he checkpoint, please know that you’ll need to be screened again.

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Yes, you can bring it along with your carry-on property, but you have to raise it over your head and play Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” like John Cusack did in “Say Anything.” Seriously though, you’ll need to run it through the X-ray separately so our officers can get a better look at it. Once it’s cleared, you’re good to go. Also, depending on how large it is, you might want to contact your airline to see if it’ll fit in the overhead. … This is a screenshot of a tweet sent to the AskTSA account on Twitter. Have you ever wondered whether or not you can pack a certain item? Fret no more! Now you can simply snap a picture and tweet it to AskTSA or send it via Facebook Messenger and our team will get back to you promptly with an answer. … If you're a regular follower of this account, I'm sure you can think of many situations where it would have behooved somebody to send us a picture first. And that's not all. Contact us about any TSA related issue or question you might have. We can even help you if you don’t see TSA Pre✓® on your boarding pass. … We look forward to answering your questions, 8am-10pm ET weekdays; 9am-7pm weekends/holidays. #AskTSA #TSATravelTips

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